Some Jokes
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man.The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one.""No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man.The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough.""No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her.""No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either.""Why not?" asked the son."Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
Little Johnny needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up, and decided to send it to the President.The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little Johnny $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Little Johnny was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God which reads as follows: "Dear God, Thank you so very much for sending me the money. I noticed you sent it through Washington. As usual those *******s deducted $95 as tax. "
Her husband has been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his beside every single day. When he came to, he ask for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.""When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.""When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck."
Two guys are walking down the street. The guy on the left is dragging his right leg, and the guy on the right is dragging his left leg.
The guy on the right says to the guy on the left, "What happened to you, man?"
The other says, "Viet Nam, 1969. What about you?"
He replies, "Dog ****, about two blocks back."
And here is my favourite:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart! Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her.""No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either.""Why not?" asked the son."Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
Little Johnny needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up, and decided to send it to the President.The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little Johnny $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Little Johnny was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God which reads as follows: "Dear God, Thank you so very much for sending me the money. I noticed you sent it through Washington. As usual those *******s deducted $95 as tax. "
Her husband has been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his beside every single day. When he came to, he ask for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.""When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.""When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck."
Two guys are walking down the street. The guy on the left is dragging his right leg, and the guy on the right is dragging his left leg.
The guy on the right says to the guy on the left, "What happened to you, man?"
The other says, "Viet Nam, 1969. What about you?"
He replies, "Dog ****, about two blocks back."
And here is my favourite:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart! Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Labels: Jokes
posted by Edmund John @ 5:01 PM
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